Dave And Marla Thomas On Mental Illness, Fame And "Loving Beyond Reason"

Our Daily Show Interview! Marla & Dave Thomas: Loving Beyond Reason!

ALTON - Dave and Marla Thomas may have Grammys hanging on their wall, but they’re normal people who, like all of us, must cope with the extraordinary, devastating and mundane parts of love. In their family, that includes navigating their relationship with adult children with severe mental illness.

And because Dave is a part of the famous a capella gospel group Take 6, they’ve done all of this while in the spotlight. Now, the couple is working to make that fight easier for other families.

“Mental illness kicked the door to my house open and snatched out what was most valuable: two of my three children,” Marla said. “The decision [to take on a] platform that has to deal with the things that are most sensitive in our family is one that we landed on ... I didn’t choose this. I’m responding to it. But I’m responding to it responsibly and in truth and transparency.”

Dave and Marla met in the second grade and became high school sweethearts. By the time they married, they understood their life would be different than the norm. Dave was traveling with Take 6 and collaborating with musicians like Whitney Houston, Stevie Wonder and the Backstreet Boys. It took some trial and error, but the couple found their dynamic as they grew together and raised their children.

“It’s the commitment to the relationship, commitment to the friendship. That actually is what binds us together,” Dave explained. “We were blessed.”

They were also blessed with three children who they love dearly. But something wasn’t quite right. By the time she was in fourth grade, their oldest daughter — singer-songwriter and reality star Moniece Slaughter — was starting to show signs that indicated a bigger problem than normal childhood eccentricities. Marla’s mother, a nurse with a background in psychiatry, pushed the couple to intervene.

“The kind of blue collar family I came from, it’s like, ‘Oh, are you kidding me? There just needs to be a behavioral adjustment, and definitely, we know how to do that,’” Dave remembered.

He credits his mother-in-law for her persistence, which eventually convinced them to put their daughter in therapy. As she aged and her behaviors began to align with the tentative diagnoses she had received, Dave and Marla became even more devoted to supporting her through these mental health challenges.

It wasn’t easy, but in some ways, it prepared them for the fight of their lives: at the age of 23, their middle child was diagnosed with bipolar one schizoaffective disorder.

Suddenly, the family was thrust back into the spotlight.

Marla and Dave were paying $20,000 a month for their son’s in-patient treatment, which they couldn’t afford for much longer. The television show “Dr. Phil” reached out and promised to fund the treatment if the family would participate on the show.

“We didn’t ask to be on ‘Dr. Phil.’ They found us,” Dave said. “Ultimately, we actually felt manipulated, because our only goal was to get our son the help that he needed ... And within a week and a half, our son was in jail and kicked out of the program.”

And everyone had something to say about it. Marla took the brunt of comments on social media from people who blamed her for the kids’ mental health challenges. The Thomas family understood that mental illness — especially severe mental illness, like psychosis — is stigmatized. But as they watched their kids go through this fight, combating the stigma became so important that it was “like breath,” Marla said.

“The minute that we bring mental health in, it immediately becomes not only a taboo but an indictment. Whose fault? Who did this?” she added. “When we talk about our brains, it’s almost like we just expect this odd normalcy, as if it doesn’t need any attention at all. And not only that — if it goes amiss, then what the hell is wrong with you?”

To compound these challenges, Marla and Dave quickly learned how little they could do after their son turned 18. Most lifetime mental illnesses develop by age 14 but are rarely diagnosed until ages 18–25, right when parents can no longer force their children to get help or keep them on their health insurance to pay for treatment. For parents like Marla and Dave, who would stop at nothing to save their son, this was devastating.

The stigma and feelings of helplessness compelled them to start Loving Beyond Reason, an organization that assists families with mental health challenges. They work with parents who have kids of all ages, including adult children they want to support. The couple also hosts a weekly podcast called “Mental Health Mondays,” and they’re currently working to open a transition house to assist people who are recovering from mental health crises.

Marla and Dave have often been accused of loving their kids beyond what is reasonable, especially as they’ve stuck by their son through severe mental illness. They named their organization after this idea, because to them, love beyond reason is the crux of parenthood. Love is rarely reasonable; family is often challenging. The two of them never wanted a spotlight on their son or his struggles, but instead of shutting down the conversation about mental health, they’ve chosen to advocate for recovery and helping people. In doing so, they advocate for their family.

“We’ve been through issues and things and experiences that we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy. Trust us when we say that,” Dave said. “Like I said at the beginning, a successful relationship, a successful family is ... something that takes a lot of work and a lot of commitment. But because of the friendship and the basis of our relationship, we’ve been able to weather the storm.”

If you or a loved one need mental health support, call or text 988. For more information about the couple’s work with mental health, visit the official Loving Beyond Reason website at LovingBeyondReason.org. Check out this article on RiverBender.com for mental health resources in the Riverbend area.

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